It seems I've really settled in to my forums (2 of them) now. I have become a "member" once again, although still a bit of a "newbie". I have shortcuts that get me to my groups quickly and allow me to check in daily. Okay, I admit it. Most days it allows me to check in several times each day.
As I visit, I try to think of what it is that compels me to visit so often. However, I also remain cautious about assuming that what I see, feel, and experience are the same things that motivate others. I have also discovered that, in spite of my earlier comments to classmates that the forums I am in encourage being truthful, I have the occasional impulse to lie. For example, although I bought tickets yesterday to a Valentine's Dinner with my sweetie at the local Yacht Club, I posted a note in the forum today about how I expect to remain POP ("perfectly on plan"--a reference that means I intend to follow all of the eating rules and not engage in any cheating) this week. In fact, I fully intend to "cheat" at tomorrow night's dinner. But why am I compelled to lie about it?
First, I suppose, there is the fact that I am embarrassed to have already made the decision that enjoying the meal is more important than maintaining my commitment to healthier eating; I don't want the rest of them to know how shallow I am. Second, there is the fact that I think I can "cover up" my transgression over the course of the week. I have the feeling that I can eat well the rest of the week and still show a loss for the week, all without having to admit my cheating. But third, and perhaps most importantly, there is the fact that I don't really know these people; they are not "real" friends. I think that if my sister was in the group perhaps I would admit the truth...I would say that I intend to remain POP all week but am going to "cheat" on Valentines Day. Then again, perhaps not. Perhaps it is not really the membership of the group, the status of "real" friends and/or family that makes the difference but rather the fact that the interaction itself is not "real". This is a difficult one to work out since, having already made the choice, it is difficult to know what I would have done in different circumstances.
There is the possibility that I could sign back in and admit my lie to the group, apologise, and move on with it. But in what way would this benefit me? I already worry that the group thinks me a bit "odd", not quite fitting the housewifely low-to-mid income group that seems to frequent the forum. I already take special pains to "talk down" a bit in the group so as not to stand out, to try and "fit in" with the others in order to become one of them. But it certainly does make me wonder...how many other lies are out there floating around in my forums? And how important is this to me and what I want to get out of it?
Oh, this is such a fantastic post and raises so many interesting questions! My question, as I was reading about your "transgression" was this: what about the online forum/group makes you not trust the group to say, "Hey! You have it under control--it's okay to cheat if you have a plan for how to deal with it and if cheating isn't every day (i.e., denial)"? Have you seen other interactions that led to think they would disapprove of your Valentine's meal no matter what?
ReplyDeleteI have been meditating over a very similar question...right now, my goal is simply to observe/lurk in my "self help" and "life motivation" site forums...but what about asking questions about users views of leaving Facebook? If I do ask (become a participant), then am I ethically required to reveal my dual purposes? I'm not planning on IRB, so this becomes an issue or personal ethics rather than institutional/field ethics. And what about going a step further...playing a part or stirring the pot, to see if I can elicit some "deeper" thinking than just "Facebook is great!" or "I have privacy concerns?" I've thought about posting through a "persona" that can help me gather data on other people, even if my persona seems to be asking for herself.
All tricky and interestings... Thank you for the post!
I've been trying to figure out what you call a lack of trust in the forum (thanks for that, it's an interesting interpretation!) and why I was compelled to lie. I think I didn't really focus on it much because I was so surprised to find myself lying; I just wasn't ready to dig deeper. The other interesting thing I discovered, but didn't mention, was that my lying has its limits. For example, although I might lie about cheating, I would NEVER lie about my weight gain or loss. I mean, THAT'S important stuff! Knowing my lying limits, however, does not seem to be moving me closer to understanding them. Some final thoughts that did occur to me but that I don't know how to explore further are these: If I would like about a little thing like this, who else in the forum would? How many of us are lying? Are they "big" or "little" lies? Are people in my forum who they appear to be? Are there any company "plants" who are there to make it look like the program works better than it does? Can I trust the forum members? And finally, assuming there are other untruthful members in my forum, does this really matter to me? I mean, as long as I get what I need from the forum, what is the harm?
ReplyDeleteYikes! Deep questions for such a relatively shallow topic of weight loss! (God, I love this class!! LOL!!)
And your reply ended with what I was thinking as I read: Does it (the authenticity) even matter?
ReplyDeleteHave you read Turkle's _Alone Together_ yet? I plowed through Jenkins, reading at every possible spare moment ever damned day, to make extra time for Turkle (I ordered it through the Kindle store--instant gratification ftw!). So far, I've read the introduction and now have skipped over the robot marriage and am in the psycho-socio-cultural effects of being tethered through technology. I am finding that I agree with much of what she says so far--which can be good (validation for me) and bad (not thinking for myself). But that leads to my next question...
If the forum were artificial intelligence, a sort of "robot community" that you could go to for an "ear" and for support and for accountability...then would it being a robot make your participation any different (in terms of dedication, which I think here relates to truthfulness)?
I'm guessing your answer will be yes--you would be *less* dedicated to the robot because you would know it wasn't human.
So if your answer is yes, then how is what you *experience* being part of the forum any *different* than what you might experience in an AI community of robots? What makes knowing the posters are "human" different in terms of why you care? How does that human-ness survive the transition through the computer interface? Is it something tangible (in their words..."rhetoric"...perhaps?) or something intangible (that you "believe" they're humans and therefore attach more identification/emotion/import/power to that?)?
Oh Bea, I wish we were having a Light Beer and some calorie-free MOO fries together, so you would know that I'm totally not messing with you. These are the types of meaning/identification/identity questions I'm really wrestling with, whether our fearless Dr. Kemp wants me to or not...
PS: I don't think weight-loss is shallow. :)